Prosper Health's Autism Resource Center

Let’s say you’re about to go to lunch with a colleague, but you just need to make a few last tweaks on a task. 
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Your colleague is happy to wait for you and remains quiet while you finish up, but it doesn’t matter. You still feel like you’re being watched. Suddenly, your anxiety skyrockets, and completing your work task now feels impossible with your coworker standing idly by. 
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Many call this the fear of being perceived — and it’s become a viral shorthand for a much broader feeling — but for autistic and ADHD adults, there’s usually something more concrete that’s happening behind the scenes. 
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Autistic content creator Morgan Foley even made a video illustrating the fear of being perceived, in which she not only demonstrates how this feeling can present in several scenarios (work, socializing, chores, etc.), but also the thoughts going through her head in that moment. 
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After reading this article, you will be able to recognize this type of fear as a specific, explainable pattern connected to neurodivergence, understand why it hits differently depending on your neurotype, and identify at least one concrete step toward feeling safer while still being yourself.
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Most importantly, this article will help you to answer the question, “Why do I hate being perceived?”

To the average Heated Rivalry viewer, hockey phenom Shane Hollander has everything: He’s a millionaire, the best player in the league, and — spoiler alert! — by the end of the first season of the hit TV series, he’s in a committed relationship with the love of his life, Ilya Rozanov.
 

While it’s not explicitly stated on the show (or in the books the series is based on), the Shane character is also canonically autistic. Because guess what? You can be a successful man and be autistic.
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If you look at the character a little more closely, maybe you can relate to Shane’s social awkwardness. Or his laser-focused approach to hockey. Or his propensity for detailed, decade-long plans. Or his steady food and beverage preferences (macrobiotic diet! ginger ale!).
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Maybe this recognition is happening a little later in life, too. 
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Thom*, who lives in Chicago, was formally diagnosed with autism at age 47. Although he received an ADHD diagnosis about a decade beforehand, further exploration led him to identify with videos from popular autistic content creators like Kojo Sarfo and Morgan Foley. This content helped him “recognize a lifetime of masking” as well as notice autistic traits like social-communication differences and a preference for the same foods.
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Whether it’s recognizing yourself in certain forms of media, a child’s recent diagnosis, a partner who raised the possibility that you might be autistic, a relationship breakdown — or something else — you’re here for a legitimate reason: To understand yourself better. 
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After reading this article, you will be able to recognize signs of autism in adult men, understand why it so often goes unrecognized, and possibly explore next steps.

“If I can’t do this project perfectly, I shouldn’t have this job, should I?”

“OMG, my friend canceled our coffee meetup. I knew she never really liked me.”

“My partner forgot I wanted to see The Odyssey this weekend. I think our relationship is in trouble.” 

If any of these internal monologues sound familiar, it’s not because someone gained access to your innermost emotions: It’s because these thought patterns are more common than you may think, and they’re known as black-and-white thinking. 

Before we delve into these patterns more deeply, know this: It’s okay if you’re unsure whether your black-and-white thinking is a problem, a trait, or both, even if you’ve been told that you tend to “overreact” or that you “can’t see nuance.” Examining this kind of dichotomous thinking doesn’t mean it’s a flaw to be fixed or even a symptom of a specific disorder.

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These patterns are just one part of who you are, and you deserve to understand what exactly black-and-white thinking is, what’s driving these patterns, and if you should pursue support.

Have you ever carried a heavy box across the room and noticed that afterward, your body felt a little more settled? Or found yourself chewing gum during a difficult task because it made concentrating easier? For some people, these behaviors may be a way of seeking sensory input or regulating how their body feels. 

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Proprioception is one of the body’s lesser-known sensory systems, operating largely below conscious awareness. For many autistic and ADHD adults, proprioceptive differences can help explain patterns they’ve had their whole lives but were never able to name: the need to move to think, craving deep pressure or heavy work, or the way certain physical sensations regulate them in ways nothing else does.

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Understanding proprioception might help explain behaviors that may feel random or confusing, from needing movement to focus to seeking deep pressure when you’re overwhelmed. This article will help you identify your own proprioceptive patterns, as well as what your nervous system might need to feel more regulated.

You’re at a social gathering, but you only know maybe one or two people there. Suddenly, your stomach starts to feel fluttery. Is it because you’re nervous? You ate something funny? Or forgot to eat entirely?
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It’s okay if you don’t know.  
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While some people can pinpoint the cause of something like stomach butterflies immediately, it’s not so easy for others. This distinct challenge of identifying emotions and differentiating them from bodily sensations has a name — alexithymia — and it commonly co-occurs with autism.
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If you’ve arrived at this article because a lifetime of confusion about your emotions led you to take an online test — and the results suggest you may experience alexithymia — you’ve come to the right place. You deserve to understand what your online score actually means, and the recommended next steps. 
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The most important thing to know about an online alexithymia test is that it cannot offer a clinical diagnosis. Alexithymia is not considered an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
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However, after reading this article, you will have a much better understanding of what alexithymia tests actually measure, the limitations of these questionnaires, and what you can do with the information they give you.

When autistic yoga therapist Elizabeth Walunas is inside her window of tolerance, she feels a sense of quiet in her gut. She can think and act in a goal-oriented way and handle stimulation sustainably. Walunas knows she’s left her window of tolerance when she gets “zingy and jumpy and twisty sensations of anxiety” in her stomach. 

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The window of tolerance varies from person to person, and everyone reacts differently outside of it. But the truth is, many of us spend a lot of time outside of our windows. This is especially true for neurodivergent adults, which is why cries of “calm down!” and “just relax!” don’t always land for our nervous systems.

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By understanding the window of tolerance, we can learn how to better manage stress. In this article, we’ll explore what happens in our minds and bodies when we’re inside or outside our windows of tolerance, how to recognize when we’ve left our zones of tolerance, and what to do in both the short-term and long-term.